Getting closer to healed

I haven’t wrote for a while. I think that’s a good thing. Everything i had written here is angry. While I feel like I’m not done being angry, I might be getting close. I couldn’t understand at the time but my marriage had just snapped and everything I had buried for a decade regurgitated onto…

That did NOT help

So I aired my feelings to my husband that I don’t understand marriage anymore. I know we have to get along but what is the point? I am committed to being committed. Most of it is choosing to do the right thing even though I am not found of him right now. I spoke my…

Who is he?

A wife is a help-mate. Meaning to help the man’s life along. then who is a husband? A protector? A ….? A what? I don’t think I understand any more. I feel like I knew what my job was when I started this marriage and was full of energy to accomplish it. Now I don’t…

Protecting each other

Today is my husband and I’s Anniversary. It seems more victorious than normal. By all means we should not have made it. I couldn’t handle his lust for other women or the lies and craziness that he tried to cover his tracks with. On the same idea though, my husband was dealing with great guilt…

Continuation of the Angry Button.

I’ve spent a couple days mulling over my angry button. I am starting to lean to the idea he can ask me to be skinner. If you did not read the last post here is a quick review: I don’t like my body is inadequate for my husband, I want him to like looking at…

This particular button

I had reread my ‘Fine.Whatever’ post and became frustrated with it. That post sounded weak. My husband typed something insignificant and it made me deeply angry. I had  read a book early in our fight last year called, “From Anger to Intimacy” by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham. It talked about buttons that initiate…

Giving my problems to God

I’ve been journaling on my marriage woes since one week yesterday. I have to admit my thought was, our marriage healing would take years, and people need to understand how stupid hard this is. I’ve read and talk to other couples that have struggle through major marriage breaks. They all seem to say, ‘just do…

Fine. Whatever.

Yesterday was the first day in months that we didn’t fight. I feel like researching God’s view on us as people helped my perspective, as did the Pure Life website. Not that he has had an affair or really on ongoing infidelity. But he has the habits of an addict. A friend has told me…

I need to change MY thinking

UUUGHGGHH! I just need him to understand HE IS wrong!! XD . I wanted to write this post yesterday and couldn’t focus on the idea of thinking better of my f r e a k i n g husband… Which I think shows more flaws in me.  You mean God has a plan and a…

The long story of my goals

This is my account of my frustrations in my marriage. You can skip this post. I felt that it would be helpful to me to write it. Sometimes my actions seems completely justified in my head but when I write them I can see how overblown they were. Looking back I understand I was not…

Help me God

All right. Here we go. (Deep breath). I need to confess some, major, issues in my personality. I have been struggling with my marriage since it started 11 years ago. My husband messes up and I yell, scream, and loose every ounce of cool I’ve ever been given. To be fair. He doesn’t make it…