So I aired my feelings to my husband that I don’t understand marriage anymore. I know we have to get along but what is the point? I am committed to being committed. Most of it is choosing to do the right thing even though I am not found of him right now.
I spoke my thoughts last night to him and he came back with a response this morning. A husbands job is to love his wife like Christ loved the church. As in a way to bring purification to the wife. Sigh…..what is that suppose to mean? I feel like that is taken out of contents from what scripture meant. I felt so alone listening to him. I feel like he wants my attention so he tries to say the wisest thing he can think of and that was it. Now I wait to see what it looks like to have a husband try to purify his wife….great.
I didn’t say this to him but I may also be struggling with depression. I have hated everything since before I started this blog. I know it’s rooted in my disappointment of my marriage.
My husband is happy that I am not constantly mad but his try is sooooo fake. Like this. I told him I don’t understand marriage, so he comes back with the most righteous and what he would assume a Godly women would be in awe of. I think he is really trying to knock my socks off by being over the top which I take as fake, that he isn’t truly try to solve our issues, and lying to a point. Especially when he doesn’t seem to understand what he is saying. I don’t want someone to impress me with facades, smoke, and mirrors. I want a genuine man. That doesn’t lie, doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not, does not use pretty words to make things better than they are. I am not in a bad place but I find myself wanting a different husband. I can’t even explain what is wrong with this one.