Help me God

All right. Here we go. (Deep breath). I need to confess some, major, issues in my personality. I have been struggling with my marriage since it started 11 years ago. My husband messes up and I yell, scream, and loose every ounce of cool I’ve ever been given.

To be fair. He doesn’t make it easy. He’s been a porn addict since he was 12 and has no reasonable expectation of women or sex. His mom left when he was 8 (?). He grew up with his brother and dad making him clueless on how to react to women.  which I feel is an excuse because, it’s not a bubble. You still run into girls at school or work or where ever. But his usually response would be categorize their reactions as unnecessary drama . It was nothing he had to deal with. This set the tone for how he would understand and cope with my day to day involvement in his life.

So I guess this blog is to journal through the healing that needs to take place after our fallout last year. My husband seems to be learning and applying but I am not. I cannot fathom why I would ever want to join him in marriage after he trashed us -again- and I know that is not what God wants. God hates divorce. God wants me to love my enemies. God wants good for me, and I can feel it. I can feel there will be great good if I learn how to cope with this wound and forgive him again. But Lord God Father of my King Jesus there has got to be some major boundaries laid down before our marriage regains any sort of shape, ’cause right now its just a blood puddle in the cracks of the kitchen tile.

So I guess today I want to start looking at how God sees my husband and meditate on that. Hopefully that will be tomorrows entry. and if any of you are out there struggling to deal with what your marriage has turned into, I would love to know. ❤

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Help me God

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